the pain of blogging

I've always felt like I had things to say. Well, no, that's not true- there are always those difficult moments where I don't know what to say because words are not enough. But back to the times when I feel like I have something to say; unless it's an objective statement, or something that deals with plain facts and rationale, I have a hard time expressing those things that I have to say. I'm an emotional person, sometimes to the extreme. I'm sensitive and my heart is often what leads me. But I've never been able to explain those emotions, those pulls on my heart. (I'm sure I've already lost you- I told you I had difficulty with expressing my thoughts.)

I read things other bloggers and authors write, and I think, "Yes! That's exactly it! I feel like that." Why is it that I can't put it into words like that? I want to get these emotions, these sensitivities, the longings of my heart into words. But I struggle to; it's a pain for me to try to talk about or write about how I feel. And at the same time, the struggle is worth it. It's worth it to sort out the "inners" and get them to become "outers." The pain of finding the right words is rewarding when it allows me to connect with someone more deeply, even if that someone is only me. Rather, especially if that someone is only me. Me might not be the right word though (here I go again, struggling to find the words). When I say me, I'm really referring to the image of Christ that I get to know more deeply as I explore the intricacies of my heart.

So, sometimes that's why I write. Do I hope people read it? Of course, but only because I want to connect to work together to sort through the intricacies of humans that are created in His likeness. But, I know that my writing can me painful to read; it's not always eloquent (let's be honest, rarely is it that) or effective. I'm going to choose to write anyway. I need to for the benefit of growing closer to the Holy One, growing closer to me.