give me Your eyes

Viewpoint. Perspective. Lately these things have been on my mind. I've been trying to change my viewpoint, my perspective.

Especially of myself.

This is something that I've always struggled with. I am a perfectionist, and I am harder on myself than I am on anyone else. I hold myself to a much higher stander than I hold others to. I try not to be, but it's a something I've battled for a long time.

Recently, as I was thinking about these things, I was reminded of a time when my eyes were opened to a different viewpoint. I saw myself from a different perspective. I was in the Austrian Alps for a weekend retreat. There was a lot of fog that weekend, so I don't venture too far from the house we were staying in. One afternoon, however, the fog lifted and I went for a walk to spend some time alone. I walked a ways and came to a place where I could sit and enjoy the view. I sat soaking in the beauty that I saw...

As I sat there, I was in complete awe of the view that I had. I could see for miles. There was no way that I could look at this and doubt the existence of our God. All of the details that He including in His creation just leave me speechless. As I sat reflecting on the beauty of His creation, I took my view and zoomed out just a little bit. This new view had one addition to it. 

Me. 

Now I was included in this view of God's creation. I was apart of this view that I was in awe of and amazed by. 

Then it hit me. I am different than the rest of His creation. Here I am amazed by the mountains and valleys, the sky and the trees, and they aren't even created in His image. They are created by Him,  but they are not made to be like Him.

 I am. 

What an eye-opening moment this was for me. It's something I take myself back to on the hard days when I'm getting down on myself. It's a wonderful reminder, and it puts things in perspective. 

Perspective. That's exactly what I need. 

Inspired by Vera Bradley

I've had my eye on this for a couple of months:

Rather than splurging on this $88 Vera Bradley backpack, I enlisted the help of my gramma and a sewing machine to make my own! 

Seven hours of planning, cutting, measuring, and sewing later, I ended up with this one of a kind backpack! And it actually fits my laptop, which the Vera Bradley one would not do. 

Thanks for the help Gramma, and thank you Vera for the inspiration! 

the pain of blogging

I've always felt like I had things to say. Well, no, that's not true- there are always those difficult moments where I don't know what to say because words are not enough. But back to the times when I feel like I have something to say; unless it's an objective statement, or something that deals with plain facts and rationale, I have a hard time expressing those things that I have to say. I'm an emotional person, sometimes to the extreme. I'm sensitive and my heart is often what leads me. But I've never been able to explain those emotions, those pulls on my heart. (I'm sure I've already lost you- I told you I had difficulty with expressing my thoughts.)

I read things other bloggers and authors write, and I think, "Yes! That's exactly it! I feel like that." Why is it that I can't put it into words like that? I want to get these emotions, these sensitivities, the longings of my heart into words. But I struggle to; it's a pain for me to try to talk about or write about how I feel. And at the same time, the struggle is worth it. It's worth it to sort out the "inners" and get them to become "outers." The pain of finding the right words is rewarding when it allows me to connect with someone more deeply, even if that someone is only me. Rather, especially if that someone is only me. Me might not be the right word though (here I go again, struggling to find the words). When I say me, I'm really referring to the image of Christ that I get to know more deeply as I explore the intricacies of my heart.

So, sometimes that's why I write. Do I hope people read it? Of course, but only because I want to connect to work together to sort through the intricacies of humans that are created in His likeness. But, I know that my writing can me painful to read; it's not always eloquent (let's be honest, rarely is it that) or effective. I'm going to choose to write anyway. I need to for the benefit of growing closer to the Holy One, growing closer to me.

Where did 2010 go?

How is it December 31st already? I can't believe it's been 2 months since I've blogged. And even more than that, it doesn't seem possible that it's been a year since I sat in this exact place bringing in 2010 with Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve.

This year has been full of surprises. Some surprises were hard to adjust to, faced with fear and uncertainty. Others were things God unexpectedly placed in my life (He's pretty good at that). Well, I could ramble forever about my thoughts on 2010. That doesn't sound appealing. So, let's move on to the significant events that happened this year.

The year began with a new roommate, Jamie. Claire, Ava, Jamie, and I were all a little unsure about how the four of us would get along and live in such tight quarters for four months. I was especially nervous because January started off with a stressful breakup that I was working through, and when you live in two tiny rooms with people, you can't hide emotions. There was no reason to be nervous though. God had it all worked out. The first week started off with a late night trip to the ER and lots of tears. I know it sounds awful, but we bonded faster than you could imagine. The four of us spent those four months making lifelong friendships and memories: we authored a quote book, had a roomie workout challenge, and of course, many heart-to-heart conversations. And that is how we become RFL: Roomies for Life. 

Spring Break 2010 gave me a chance to fly to Texas to visit the city of Abilene and see for myself the things that Erin had told me about. Okay, so that's not really why I went. I went to spend the week with my lovely friend Erin. We had a great week. I experienced the atrocious Abilene Mall, learned how to make Chinese, got to know Jaron better, and of course had many laughs courtesy of Erin. It was a wonderful Spring Break :) 

Along came Spring and I fell in love. Brenden swept me off my feet, while I denied his interest in me and went on "not-dates" with him. As the weather got warmer, we spent hours together walking the Paint Creek Trail, getting to know one another. Just before the semester ended, Brenden asked me to be his girlfriend. I remember the night vividly. When I went back to my dorm room, I didn't have to say anything to my roommates- they knew it was official just by the grin on my face. God sure does know me better than I know myself. He provided me with things through Brenden that I didn't even know I desired. 

The summer brought the weddings of four couples that are beautiful examples of love. You can read about them in my previous post.

I began my senior year at RC. When I started here in fall of 2007, never did I imagine that RC would have the place in my heart that it does now. I've had amazing blessings and opportunities, growth and challenges come into my life because of Rochester College. The first semester was filled with Sigma Phi Delta Nu mixers and pledge week, two weekends with my mom, many hours spent in RAC117 studying education, teaching 2nd and 3rd grade Sunday school at Rochester church of Christ, and supporting Brenden as he played the lead in the fall musical. My life was busy, but I wouldn't ask for it any other way. 

Ava, my roommate of three years and wonderful friend, had a beautiful baby girl. Elizabeth Giulienna was born on December 16th, 7 pounds 10 ounces. I can't wait to watch her grow and see Ava enjoy the blessings of being a mommy :)

And to finish off the year, Brenden and I took the train to Wisconsin to spend Christmas break with my family. It's been wonderful to relax and not have anything that has to be done. I can't believe where this year has brought me. 

Lately, I've been worrying about plans for 2011. But as I sit here watching Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve, reflecting on the year that's passed, I realize that there is no reason to fear 2011. As I welcome this new year, I will choose to be present. That is what 2011 will be about: living in the moment and being present in the events that this year brings. 

Real Hope: School Edition

Myself and 9 other women on campus have come together to participate in RC's new pay-it-forward program, Real Hope. Rebekah,the fantastic woman who has been helping me make this idea happen, has started a blog for us. This blog explains our mission, and in the future it will be updated as we make progress. Currently the blog describes the concept of Real Hope, and allows for people to make donations to the cause. 


Well, without further ado, here is the link:  http://realhopeschooledition.blogspot.com
I hope you will follow us through this journey as we makeover a school library in the metro-Detroit area!

too many colors

recently, i've been thinking a lot about commitment, priorities, and obligations. really, i've been thinking about overcommitment and over-obligation. college gets busy. time management becomes an essential survival skill. pretty soon you're wishing that you could clone yourself so that you could be in six places at once.


i completely understand this feeling. i've been there. well, really i'm still there, but not as much as i use to be. but, i realized that saying yes to more commitments wasn't doing anyone any favors. i had to learn to say no because my eggs were starting to turn out brown. (now you're thinking i'm crazy, but just hear me out). i was talking about this topic to someone recently. she affirmed my feelings and said, "if you dip your eggs in too many colors, they all turn out brown." that little idiom really resonated with me. not only does it express something that i don't want for my own life, but it explains how much of an impact people's priorities can have on a group, a relationship, or an effort.


i think that the time that we are living in encourages this over-obligated lifestyle. it is normal for people to take on more commitments than they really can handle. i think we all could use a reminder to slow down every once in a while and re-evaluate our priorities. after all, who wants their eggs to turn out brown?

"birthweek"..the new and improved birthday

birthdays are important. it's the one day a year where people stop and celebrate you. i hope that everyone has people in their life that recognize them on their birthdays. it's a chance to reflect on the past year, and dream of the year to come. all that to say, i love birthdays.


last week was brenden's 20th birthday. i put a lot of planning into the week (yes, week) of celebrating him. i felt like one day out of 365 wasn't enough...he needed to be honored for a week. so, we had brenden's birthweek instead of brenden's birthday. he got one present each day for five days. i even started a tradition for his birthday present. every year, one of his birthday presents will be a new pair of moccasins. he wears them almost every day. after a year, he desperately needs a new pair.


my favorite part of brenden's birthweek wasn't the presents, it was the time we spent together with some of his favorite people. the night before his birthday, i had a surprise party for him at applebee's with about 15 of his friends and family. he had no idea. as we were walking in, he turned to me and said, "now don't tell anyone it's my birthday." i just smiled and replied, "okay, i won't." he was completely surprised when we walked in to find a table full of the people that mean so much to him. a couple minutes later he looked at me and said, "did you do this?" i think he was still a little shocked at how the whole thing was pulled off without him knowing. that made the whole thing worth the stress that happened just hours before his party when he told me he couldn't go to applebee's until an hour later than we had planned because he had praise team practice.


that wasn't the end of things. on his actual birthday, brenden's best friend, caleb, and his girlfriend, kelsey, came to rochester to spend the night with us. he had no idea they were coming. i had a great time getting to know the two of them, but the best part was seeing brenden and caleb pick up right where they left off. those are the best kind of friendships- the ones where no matter how long it's been, you can pick up right where you left off, as if no time has passed. 


i was so happy with how everything turned out. but now, how am i going to top that next year when he turns 21?